Grief is something I am still learning to process fully. It’s a heavy feeling that leaves a hole in your stomach. I think death is fascinating, but what comes after, especially for those of us still here, is maddening. Where did they go? Where do we go? It’s such a cacophonous feeling.
I think the hardest thing to rationalize is moving on with life right away. Your whole world gets stopped in its tracks, but the rest of the world keeps going. I just need a minute to breathe before I start again. But it seems the world rarely has the time or space for that. Going and doing something productive even just for a few hours feels exhausting, why does nobody else feel this way? It’s frustrating and it hurts.
I’m learning to work through it, but it’s a process. Being “on” all the time is exhausting as is. It seems so much worse when you know deep down that you aren’t actually “on” at all. Time heals wounds, but this one feels big.